i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
