I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
