But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
