My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
