i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
