She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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