wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
