He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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