so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
