I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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