the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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