Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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