he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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