I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
