You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
