Got a toothbrush?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
