best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
