your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your penis caused this!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
