So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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