mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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