I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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