My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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