The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
