Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
