I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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