Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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