just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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