Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
