I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
