dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
