am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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