just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
