1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
