i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
