I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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