i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
