i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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