I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
