The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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