I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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