Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
