It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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