i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
