Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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