I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
