i just had sex bonerless
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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