oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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