My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
