I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
