it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
