I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
