im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just puked most of my soul out..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
